I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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