Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
