the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize