Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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