He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
