He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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