Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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