Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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