Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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