It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize