the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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