I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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