I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
