i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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