Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
