Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
