She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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