Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
