I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
