After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize