I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
