True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
tequila makes me forget i have legs
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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