The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
