hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
