If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
