She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
