Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
