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just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Alive.
So much puke
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
