Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
