Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize