i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
