and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
