dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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