It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
