I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i think i just lost a toe
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
