I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
