well I can't set my house on fire every night
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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