i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
