No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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