I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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