My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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