Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
