This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
