After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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