whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
