I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
