ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
