im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
