i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
