Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
