if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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