whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
