These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize