Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
