she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
