Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
