I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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