I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Jerry, you need to find god
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
