8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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