Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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