I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
