I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
God, I missed his penis.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize