So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
