sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
