CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
