My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
