i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
