hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
