So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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