what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
